Fly with the Phoenix


Dead rabbits and divorce
April 15, 2010, 1:12 am
Filed under: Family Transitions | Tags: ,

When I looked out my front door on a recent morning, I saw the body of a dead rabbit lying in the middle of my subdivision’s street. Not a cheerful way to start my day. As anyone who knows me can tell you, I can’t stand seeing any of God’s creatures suffer or dead. It disturbs me.

As the morning ticked by while I readied myself for the office, the poor bunny still laid there, forgotten, unwanted, a nuisance. It was interesting to me that all the macho men on my block just drove past the rabbit in their muscle trucks, SUVs and luxury sedans.

So when it was time for me to get into my 10-year-old Honda to head to work, I took pity on this animal’s remains and put my coffee mug on the roof of the car, picked up two shovels and a paper bag, steeled myself and disposed of the bunny body. Yes, one of 2 single women on the block–the one who only days ago realized her marriage was over–was the one who took action. And through my fog of separation grief and general funk, the thought came to me: “Deb, you’re going to be alright.” I don’t know if it was my inner voice or that of another from above, but it came loud and clear, and I felt a little stronger for it.

My second marriage is as dead as the bunny in the trash can in my garage. It isn’t easier the second time around–in fact in many ways, I am grieving much more. Like many of you who may be in a similar situation, I am sad, confused, a little apprehensive about my future, discouraged and exhausted from years of desperately trying to keep the relationship going (despite what my soon-to-be-ex may say). But I write this to let all of you know that WE are all going to be fine if we can just take baby steps toward a new beginning. My baby step was taking care of an unpleasant task on my own–yes, a small something–and realizing I do have a great deal of personal strength to weather this life transition. It was buried under layers of emotional junk, but it still was there.

I encourage those of you who are divorcing to share some thoughts and experiences here. It’s a baby step that can help you down the road. In the next months, you’ll hear about some resources available to you, share my experiences and together, we will heal ourselves for the future.

My marriage is dead, not me. I have to look at this as a Hopeful Transition. I pray you will do the same.


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