Fly with the Phoenix


Painting a new picture for yourself

I’m redecorating my bedroom. I thought it was time; nine years and a lot of water under the bridge–the place was ready for an update.

Anyway, the people who lived in my house before me must have had trouble hanging window treatment hardware as there are five anchor holes on each side of my window, and as I was covering them with compound, I thought about the similarities between my house and me. We share scars and holes but each is getting a fresh coat of paint, a fresh start.

Three days ago, I stood before a seemingly worn-down judge who had to listen to a morning docket of drivel, including a long list of “non-cons,” the unhappy soon to be uncoupled masses who seek a non-contested dissolution of their marriage. My husband (now ex-husband) and I stood before her and in a short, dehumanizing and completely tragic ceremony were pronounced divorced. “It is so ordered. Good luck folks,” the judge said. Several years of being together–all the good and the bad–wiped clean. The only place I have to go is up, so I grabbed a paint roller to help create my fresh start this weekend. My new room is beautiful, and so is my future.

As heartbreaking and hard as divorce is, the recover can be equally as painful in the beginning. Thus, I recommend newly divorced men or women do something to claim their new identity as soon as it is possible. For me, it was redecorating my bedroom so that it no longer looks like “our bedroom” but now is 100 percent mine. If redoing a room isn’t in your budget right away, rearrange the room to make it your space.

Rather than nesting, some people might prefer getting away, and that’s fine, too. A trip can provide the necessary environment that allows you to breathe, relax and allow the event to sink into your mind and heart. Stay as long as your budget will allow; even an overnight in a nice hotel can be a good respite.

The key is to engage is worthwhile self-care right now. Get good rest, eat well, exercise, see friends (the positive, cheery ones) and be good to yourself. We’ve just walked through hell and came out on the other side–alive and standing. Wounded, but standing, and that is indeed something to celebrate.



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