Fly with the Phoenix


Love who you are first

It’s often said we cannot find love if we cannot love ourselves, and there’s a lot of truth in that. Love Celebration starts with remembering the wonderful things about you and honors those qualities by setting aside time for self care. Do an activity that brings happiness. Take a relaxing bath while listening to beautiful music. Indulge in a nap or enjoy a favorite food. Honor the time you have to yourself.  Continue reading



Fear is not a four-letter word

There are two places in St. Louis (my home) I really hate to visit. One is a particular hospital. The other is the county courthouse. I avoid the hospital because it’s where my father died, and where my mother was hospitalized during her fight with cancer. The courthouse is painful for me because I endured two divorces and a bitter child custody lawsuit at this place. So when my summons for jury duty came in the mail, you can imagine my reaction.

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Gracious Parenting is Possible While Living Apart
October 6, 2010, 1:28 am
Filed under: Family Transitions | Tags: , , ,

By Judy Graybill

The prevalence of divorce causes the separation of many parents from their children. That makes it more difficult for both parents to have the same quantity and quality of time with their children. This is regardless of the level of custody. Continue reading



Divorce: The Sequel
August 17, 2010, 2:55 am
Filed under: Family Transitions | Tags: , ,

I saw a neighbor today, a woman I haven’t seen in several months. Chit chat, I find as a newly divorced woman, is increasingly awkward. “The Question” is inevitable and almost always causes the person on the other end of the conversation discomfort. I want to squirm, too. So, after the niceties about our kids, “the question,” came in the form of “so how’s married life?” I explained I was divorced, and she said, “What? AGAIN?” Continue reading



Step-parents walk the line called discipline
August 8, 2010, 5:58 pm
Filed under: Family Transitions | Tags: , , ,

Two people recently asked questions that reminded me of the unique challenges step-parents face. There is a duality to their role, and often, the balance can be hard to strike. Continue reading



Painting a new picture for yourself

I’m redecorating my bedroom. I thought it was time; nine years and a lot of water under the bridge–the place was ready for an update.

Anyway, the people who lived in my house before me must have had trouble hanging window treatment hardware as there are five anchor holes on each side of my window, and as I was covering them with compound, I thought about the similarities between my house and me. We share scars and holes but each is getting a fresh coat of paint, a fresh start. Continue reading



Finding your sassy solitude

One of my favorite groups growing up in the 1970s was Three Dog Night. They recorded a song “One,” in which the lyrics state “one is the loneliest number.” For recently separated or divorced adults–especially women–there is a period of pronounced discomfort as they learn to live alone. Author Erica Manfred examines why women sulk about living single in her book “He’s History, You’re No,” and the reason goes back to when we lived in caves. Continue reading