Fly with the Phoenix

Love who you are first

It’s often said we cannot find love if we cannot love ourselves, and there’s a lot of truth in that. Love Celebration starts with remembering the wonderful things about you and honors those qualities by setting aside time for self care. Do an activity that brings happiness. Take a relaxing bath while listening to beautiful music. Indulge in a nap or enjoy a favorite food. Honor the time you have to yourself.  Continue reading


Balm for a broken heart

Americans love cosmetics. According to, we spend on average $7 billion a year on beauty products. We use shampoos to make our hair seem thicker, bronzer to make us look tan and creams to help us appear to be younger. However, there’s nothing on the shelf to heal a broken heart.

February can be a difficult month for people who have recently lost a love. There is help for the broken-hearted, although this balm can’t be found at the corner drugstore . If you’re working to get over a break-up, divorce or death of a spouse/partner, dip into these three jars of balm to heal your broken heart: “Recovery Work,” “Love Celebration” and “Your Sassy Self.”

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Fear is not a four-letter word

There are two places in St. Louis (my home) I really hate to visit. One is a particular hospital. The other is the county courthouse. I avoid the hospital because it’s where my father died, and where my mother was hospitalized during her fight with cancer. The courthouse is painful for me because I endured two divorces and a bitter child custody lawsuit at this place. So when my summons for jury duty came in the mail, you can imagine my reaction.

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Divorce: The Sequel
August 17, 2010, 2:55 am
Filed under: Family Transitions | Tags: , ,

I saw a neighbor today, a woman I haven’t seen in several months. Chit chat, I find as a newly divorced woman, is increasingly awkward. “The Question” is inevitable and almost always causes the person on the other end of the conversation discomfort. I want to squirm, too. So, after the niceties about our kids, “the question,” came in the form of “so how’s married life?” I explained I was divorced, and she said, “What? AGAIN?” Continue reading

Painting a new picture for yourself

I’m redecorating my bedroom. I thought it was time; nine years and a lot of water under the bridge–the place was ready for an update.

Anyway, the people who lived in my house before me must have had trouble hanging window treatment hardware as there are five anchor holes on each side of my window, and as I was covering them with compound, I thought about the similarities between my house and me. We share scars and holes but each is getting a fresh coat of paint, a fresh start. Continue reading

Finding your sassy solitude

One of my favorite groups growing up in the 1970s was Three Dog Night. They recorded a song “One,” in which the lyrics state “one is the loneliest number.” For recently separated or divorced adults–especially women–there is a period of pronounced discomfort as they learn to live alone. Author Erica Manfred examines why women sulk about living single in her book “He’s History, You’re No,” and the reason goes back to when we lived in caves. Continue reading

Walking out of love

Do you remember when you fell in love with your ex-husband or ex-wife? It hit me about a month after the first date during a romantic picnic my ex-husband planned for my birthday. In front of my fireplace on a blanket, we ate (shrimp cocktail and chocolate come to mind) and shared wine. Finally, he sprinkled rose petals over my head while he said romantic stuff in French and finally pledged how he’d love me always. Those were the days.

Falling in love–for many people–is easy. Learning to “unlove” someone, well, that’s another story. Continue reading